I just cut my nipple shaving
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
