oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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