who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
