I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
