Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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