he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dicks are not precious.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
