I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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