are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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