just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
