so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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