she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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