ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
