i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
