someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
