this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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