What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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