I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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