Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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