I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
pray to the hookup gods
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
