I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
