Pants 0. Shit 1.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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