my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
