We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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