Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
