I smell stomach acid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
