This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
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