i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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