I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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