Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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