his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
