I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wear drunk well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
