If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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