My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
