his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
