apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
