Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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