I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
