just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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