Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
