I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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