I just cut my nipple shaving
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
