im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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