East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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