11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
