Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
