On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
