Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
