I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
