The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm both gender and math confused
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
