Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
