Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
