Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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