I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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