I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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