how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
