I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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