If that was your dad, he is hot
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
