he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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