If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
