Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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