Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
