he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
