well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
