apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
