Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
