Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
