if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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