White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
