apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
